She's Not Broken. He's Untrained.
Why So Many Women Who Cannot Achieve Vaginal Orgasm Believe They’re “Broken" or "Traumatized” — When It’s Really a Stamina Problem.
This morning, a woman reached out to me on my Instagram account.
She told me she could orgasm easily on her own — but never with a man.
She was convinced she must be suffering from sexual trauma.
That something inside her was blocked or broken and was asking me what to do about it.
But as we talked, I realized something different.
She wasn’t broken.
She had simply never had a man make love to her — steady, connected, uninterrupted — for 60 minutes.
Not once.
The Truth Beneath Her Pain
Her body isn’t the problem.
Her lovers’ stamina is.
She said,“Every guy I’ve been with can’t hold it long enough for me to get there. When I’m finally about to come, they lose it. It’s so frustrating. It feels selfish. Degrading.”
And she’s not alone.
Physiologically, women’s arousal takes 30 to 45 minutes of consistent, present connection before the body reaches its deepest orgasmic potential.
The cervix itself takes 45–60 minutes to soften and open — this is when she begins to experience full-bodied, heart-connected pleasure.
By contrast, most men ejaculate in under 5 minutes.
Even those who last 15-30 minutes believe they’ve achieved something impressive — but for a woman’s body, that’s barely the warm-up.
I have been in this boat too. For years! and her pain has been mine. I understand her.
The Feminine Consequence
So what happens when she’s left mid-wave — again and again?
She starts to think something must be wrong with her.
Doctors (just as clueless and poorly f*cked if I'm being blunt), tell her,“Seventy-five percent of women can’t orgasm vaginally — it’s normal. Not everyone can and it gets worse with peri-menopause and menopause” (I call Bullshit!)
She hears:You’re broken. Stop expecting more.
Over time, her unfulfilled pleasure becomes confusion… then frustration… then grief.
She begins to resent men — seeing them as selfish, disconnected, even barbaric.
“It’s an extreme sense of selfishness,” this woman said to me about men.
“It’s very rude and disrespectful. I feel like it’s degrading to women.”
“Men take advantage. It’s their nature to seize and not have the virtue that women do. Barbaric animals.”
“Men need to be trained by women — but it’s sad that most women don’t understand this.”
Her harsh words carry the ache of countless women —women who wanted to love men, but learned instead to protect themselves from disappointment.
But beneath the anger is a much deeper wound:
She has never been met. (and so I can say with certainty that every man she's been with has never been met either, as her love never poured out of her heart and pussy - and that is the tragedy of lack of stamina!)
Her cervix takes time.
Her nervous system needs safety.
Her heart must trust before her body surrenders.
And every time a man rushes, releases, or pulls away before she opens, her body learns not to trust again.
This is not just physical pain.
It’s spiritual abandonment.
The Masculine Blind Spot
Men are not villains. They are simply uninitiated.
Biologically, the male body is designed for reproduction — a quick release that ensures survival of the species.
But making love for pleasure and connection is an entirely different skill set.
It requires training — not in tricks or techniques, but in energy mastery:
learning to regulate arousal, breathe through intensity, and stay anchored in presence when the body wants to escape into climax.
As I told her, 95% of men finish within 5 minutes.
Her response:
“That makes sense. Every guy I’ve been with was like that.”
She wasn’t unlucky. She was living in the global average.
The Emotional Fallout
This is what happens when the masculine never learns to stay:
Women believe they’re broken.
Men believe they’re performing well.
Connection is replaced by performance.
Trust becomes tension.
Sex becomes a cycle of disappointment on both sides, creating an increasing lack of trust in each other.
And soon, the sacred space that should heal both masculine and feminine becomes a battlefield.
The New Sexual Code
The Old Code taught men that sex ends when he ejaculates or she orgasms.
That speed, friction, and force equal masculinity.
The New Code teaches the opposite:
Your power is not in how fast you can finish, but in how long you canstay.
Your purpose is not to make her come — it’s to hold the space where her body feels safe enough to open.
Your strength is measured by how much pleasure you can contain without losing presence.
The Old Code says:
“My job is to make her come.”
“Once she comes, we’re done.”
“Fast and hard is manly.”
The New Code says:
“My job is to stay.”
“Once she comes, that’s when her body begins to truly open.”
“Depth, rhythm, and breath are strength.”
When a man learns to last — to stay present beyond his urge — a woman’s nervous system relaxes.
She stops analyzing. She starts feeling.
And something extraordinary happens: her body trusts him.
That’s when her pleasure becomes endless.
And both lovers begin to experience what sex was always meant to be — a union, not an escape.
A Message to the Men
Warriors! — if you’re reading this, this is not about guilt. Take this as both a challenge and a call to devotion.
It’s about awareness.
You are not less of a man because you finish too soon —
you’re simply at the beginning of your training.
You are not broken.
You are simply untrained in an art your ancestors once knew.
Stamina is not about dominance — it’s about devotion.
It’s the ability to stay with her body, her breath, her emotion, her unfolding, without rushing to your end and in turn, when she's fully opened, she'll take you into the deepest love, peace and surrender with her. This will be the source of your deepest confidence.
Learn to breathe through your arousal.
Learn to circulate energy through your whole body, not just your genitals.
Learn to stay.
This is the foundation of The Warrior’s Calling— where men learn stamina, presence, and mastery over their erotic power.
Because real masculine power isn’t measured in size or speed.
It’s measured in how long you can stay open while holding her open too.
My closing reflection and the words I shared with her were that she’s not broken.
She’s just never had a man stay long enough for her body to trust him.
Her final words to me were: "You make so much sense and I'm starting to understand a lot more. Thank you for telling me this because I was starting to really hate men and I was creating my own trauma." and... that she's going to start hitting Tantric Sex Organizations to find a man...
And she would certainly find amongst "my" Warriors the one who can meet up her in her depth for the first time!
I look forward to holding space and guiding you in the Art of Tantric Lovemaking.
With Devotional Love /Emma
Your Tantric Sex, Love and Relationship Teacher
